Right There Challenge by The Challenge King
by redvelvetjade
Summary: Life Comes in Flashes little pieces of emotions sometimes pretty but often times just with the illusions of beauty we try to be clever, funny but sometimes through our own insecurities we fail. What happens when your mind is your greatest obstetrical from achieving happiness? In our dreams If treated right life can be like a scrapbook we can edit how we like. Dreams aren't reality
1. Chapter 1 BabyI

**Right There**

**Baby I**

**Cat's p o v**

**I don't own Victorious all glory of creation goes to Dan Schneider this is for a challenge by The Challenge King. Thanks for the Challenge and Thank you to all my lovely readers who have reviewed or favored me. **

"_Omg Cat look how adorable you look in this outfit!_

The Squeal that came from one of my best friends Tori Vega caught my attention her approval made me smile after all Tori was one of the most popular girls in our school.

I spun modeling the cute pair of red skinny jeans which were embroiled with colorful butterflies of various colors paired with a Cool-Girl Cutout Crop Top that made my 32 A cups pop out. Tori thought I looked amazing but it wasn't what I saw.

_Cat what's wrong?_

Tori's hazel eyes were filled with concern as I stared at myself disapprovingly through the wall length mirror.

Mirrors don't lie after all Tori may say I am smoking hot but what I saw staring back at me was reality.

101 lbs of fire red hair tied up in a high ponytail cascading down my pale Ivy back and shoulders. My brown eyes were sparkling as I stared deep in the mirror but I was nothing impressive just average.

I mean guys don't stare at me when I walk down the halls not unless their laughing at me unless of course I had just said something dumb which I do a lot or tell a strange story about my special brother.

_Cat stop that now!_

My head whipped around at the barking from my girlfriend Jade West my heart nearly beat itself out of my chest as I saw Jade standing in the doorway of the dressing room. Arms crossed over her 36 B chest as she sipped her coffee.

Now Jade and Tori that's who boys associated with sexy not plain pudgy me.

_Stop what baby?_

I played innocent.

_Stop doubting yourself your frigging gorgeous _

I was stunned how did Jade know? She always had this way of reading my mind even when I tried so hard to convey I was fine.

It was amazing to me I couldn't bring myself to look her in her eyes she would know what I was thinking.

I would be so embarrassed to have her know that it was flattering and that it made her so cute.

Big bad tough Hard as nails Gothic scary Jade West had a heart underneath all that toughness.

_Don't try to say you weren't either_

_I know you Catrina I see it in your eyes in your clasped fingers your nerves twitching._

_You want to believe Vega but that means admitting that you Catrina Valentine are in deed H.O.T.T_

_It pains me greatly to say these words but Vega was.._

Jade coughed almost choking on her coffee whatever it was Tori seemed to catch on right away and wasted no time in teasing Jade over this.

_Come on Jade West Say it!_

_No_

_Say the words_

_Go Away Vega!_

_Not till I hear the words_

Jade sent Tori a death glare as Tori danced in front of Jade grinning swaying her hips bumping Jade here coffee swished and she sent more glares. I saw her eyes she was getting more and more pissed which Tori enjoyed.

I love Jade with everything inside of me but when Jade was mad Jade was Scary and Scary Jade was never a good thing.

_Vega get out of my face! Before I punch you straight into the ocean_

_I'll get out of your face when you say the words Jade_

Jade screamed stomping her foot turning to me oh oh was I about to get blamed for this to? Everyone blamed me for everything all the time.

Backing up I wished the wall would open up and swallow me or a magical escape door would appear.

No such luck.

_Cat_

Jade gritted her teeth I nodded vigorously.

_Cat_

_Yes Baby?_

_Listen to Vega she makes a good point_

_Your beautiful and while I think the outfit makes it look like a clown threw up on you you wear it well._

_Jade what does that mean?_

Tori teased Jade who whipped her head to Vega.

_It means you better be getting out of here and checking on your better half last I saw her she was fighting with a sales clerk._

_Over what?_

_Trina's too dumb to add 2+2 Jade_

_I know that you know that Cat knows that but no one told the center of the universe yet_

_Oh god I better go before she gets arrested_

_FML!_

Tori ran out in a hurry hands up in the air muttering to herself Jade snickered closing the door behind her.

I grinned as she advanced to me as taking me in her arms she held me close.

_Baby I haven't told you just how much I love you have I?_

_Yes you have but you haven't shown me_

_Well I guess you just have to punish me than cause I've been a bad kitty haven't I Cat?_

Jade pushed me against the wall leaning into me she smelled amazing like Coffee and vanilla our lips locked in a passionate deep luscious kiss.

All of my insecurities melted away at least for now.

Trina in tow and by in tow I mean being bodily dragged out of Forever 21 by Tori we headed across the busy intersection of Union Square and East 14th street straight into Union Square park.

The boys and Mr. Sikowitz were waiting for us with McDonalds crowding around the small green table the four of us shared McNuggets and Fries.

I was sitting in Jade's lap as Trina and Tori shared a chair Beck Oliver, Robbie Shapiro, his puppet Rex Powers, Andre Harris and Sinjiin Van Cleef were sitting on a bench sharing our table as well.

Everyone else was tearing into the food but my mind was focused on how I felt and looked in that outfit.

My friends could tell me a million times I looked perfect but they were just being nice I felt it under my clothes this layer of fat just bulging around waiting to spill over with one more bite.

I'm gross, I'm a dancer I'm suppose to be thin and gorgeous. I don't know how anyone can stand to look at me.

I know that's why no one wanted to date me who wants to date a disgusting pig who can't even keep the commitment to lose weight.

_Cat aren't you hungry?_

Nuggets 840 calories Fries 570 fat..fat..fat..maybe this is why I get so pissed when I hear Jacob's comments cause I know that there's truth buried inside them it's not just teasing.

_I'm not hungry right now I'm too excited _

_I love New York city!_

I cried out happily clapping as I looked around eyes wide play it Cat play it like it's the role that's going to win you that Oscar.

I watched the people flowing in and out of Corporate America in business suits talking on cells rushing in and out of buildings catching subs, buses, cabs.

Kids and Teens were grabbing lunch as they strolled down the streets some coming into the park which was filled with people playing chess sleeping on the grass or cement film crews were filming documentaries.

Tourist were taking pictures asking for directions. Jade's arms were wrapped around my stomach please don't feel the fat I prayed.

She didn't say much but I knew she loved NYC as much as I did, I saw it in her eyes as we stood inside that music room inside NYU overlooking the Washington Square campus in the heart of the great jazz clubs of Greenwich Village.

You could feel the vibe just flowing through out everything that was happening there.

_Sikowitz thanks for taking us here_

_Well it is my pleasure young Harris it is my job to engage your young minds into the vast cultural zest pool that is New York City!_

_The big A..._

_Yes Robbie it is the big A people are rude small minded ass..._

_Jade that's A-nough_

_Oh but I was just getting started Sikowitz _

_I know and now your done_

_You should fit in here perfectly Jade_

_Your grumpy and.._

_I'm not grumpy Beck!_

_Well your not too happy either_

Beck sipped his Dr. Pep as Jade turned around and glared.

Sirens rung out as an ambulance tried to crawl through the city. Jade's eyes lite up.

_An accident? Cool who died?_

_Your a sick freak_

Rex muttered as Jade leaped at him screaming.

_What did you say?_

_No-t-h-ing _

She yanked Rex off Robbie's hand stomping on him before she kicked him like a football towards the field goal Robbie screamed running after him.

A few people looked up but most just went on like nothing happened Yea Jade would love it here.

A sudden yell caught our attention.

_Get this lunatic out of here!_

We looked up to see Trina being chased off a VH1 sound set Tori groaned, they were trying to film and there was Trina jumping around in the back-round trying to get in the shot.

Mr. Sikowitz looked around ushering us out.

_Let's go we don't know her if the cops stop __us it's a real life_

_Drive by Exercise._

_Your __tourist__ in a strange city you don't know English _

**Follow me on Twitter my main account is /mileycfan4eva updates will be tweeted as they come out.**


	2. Chapter 2 Kiss Me

**Kiss Me**

**Cat's p o v**

**[Thanks to AprilBaby95 for following Right There Hope I don't disappoint.]**

_Omg These beaches are amazing!_

I spun around my bare feet digging into the hot sand which got in between my toes burning my feet.

_Look at the ocean!_

I clapped cheerfully Tori laughed from where she was sitting in Andre's arms on the beach chair his arms wrapped around her mid section. Her head resting on top of his chest.

_It's so pretty the way the sun glows across the top skimming _

_You could see how clear the ocean is I love being able to see what's under my feet_

_Aw man Vega ya mean those crabs I plated under your feet will be ousted?_

_Ha ha Jade_

Tori stuck her tongue out at Jade who only arched her eyebrow at Tori which seemed to make Tori worry a little more looking around at the sand surrounding me.

_Don't get too __confident__ there Vega_

_You never know what I have up my sleeves!_

Tori looked around nervously sinking deeper into Andre's arms he laughed wrapping his arms around Tori's waist protectively.

_Don't worry baby I won't let anyone hurt you_

Andre gently kissed Tori's head.

_I'm not scared Andre Jade's nothing but a pretty Chucky doll all talk_

_With some fancy moves to make the consumers think that she's scary_

Jade glared at her now arching her eyebrow higher.

_Really a pretty Chucky doll?_

Tori laughed sticking out her tongue.

I was so happy to be home back in Florida where I was born and raised that I didn't care what they said to each other I just kept to myself walking along the shore wading in the water.

Walking along the beaches always made me smile my dad and I use to jog at four am every morning where we would collect sea shells.

The Beaches are surprisingly busy at four am with people jogging at surfing not many kids most were sound asleep in their beds but I always valued any time I could get with my daddy.

Growing up he was my best friend and he always treated me like a queen.

He taught me to respect all sea life I have such a love of sea creatures because of him.

He taught me all about sea shells and all life forms that grow in the sea. Every morning we would collect sea Shells even now I have all the shells we collected which to date adds up to be around 1526 their all lined up in my back yard in my little area I have set up as a beach scene.

A soft breeze blew across my back as I picked up a shell buried in the sand. I giggled at the sensation of the wet sand falling over my fingers while a wave washed over my toes a crab scurried away he was cute which made me laugh louder.

The shell was so pretty and colorful holding it up I took a good look at it, judging by the looks it had to be about 6 inches the shell had a bumpy ridge and the coloring was a deep orange with reddish gasping I giggled with joy my dad would love this find it had to be a nodipecten Nodosus or a Lion's Paw.

This Shell was a rare find one we have been looking for together for years.

_What did you find there Lil ' Red?_

I jumped losing my balance at Andre's voice startling me screaming as I fell back into the ocean.

Water filled my nose and eyes and mouth choking me as I sunk under flapping my arms I tried to fight to the surface but the current kept pulling me down.

Fear grasped me I couldn't see everything was getting darker as I kicked my legs trying to get back up.

_Cat Are You okay?_

_Oh My god!_

_Cat!_

Jade, Tori, Andre, Robbie all crowded around me Jade pounded my back as I coughed spitting up water

_Oh my god Cat are you alright I am so sorry!_

Jade shovedAndre hard

_Don't shove my boyfriend West!_

Tori squeaked out grabbing Andre who was having trouble staying up on his feet she moved towards

Jade like she was going to hit her. Jade took a threating pose while Robbie wrapped a towel around me rubbing my arms as I coughed and gagged trying to get the water out of my lungs and throat.

Beck rubbed my back pulling me to him my body trembling my head spinning.

_Try it Vega you won't live long enough for your hands to make contact_

Looking at myself I seemed to be okay no major cuts or bruises Beck took my hand and started to lead me up to our blankets.

Wait hands?

Their Empty..

_Where's my lion's paw?_

_Oh no I lost my Lion's paw!_

Tears welled up building up inside my chest bursting out the boys looked scared Jade rushed to my side.

_Kitty what's wrong?_

Jade's eyes searched me her hands covered my arms her touch is always electric to me.

_Are you hurt sweetie?_

_Did you swallow too much water? _

_Are you sick? Is Your stomach okay?_

_Do your eyes burn?_

_N..o_

I could barely choke out the words Jade pulled me close holding me.

_Than what's wrong?_

_What are you upset about?_

I sniffled as Andre and Beck took me leading me up.

_I found a Lion's Paw and now I lost it.._

Jade brushed my tears away nodding at me kissing my nose. Tori came up asking me.

_What's a Lion's Paw?_

_Tori watch Cat.._

I barely had time to turn my head at Jade's command before there was a splash and Jade was gone into the vast deepness of the ocean.

Tori gave me a hug as I tried to search for Jade. She lifted up my hair as a cool breeze blew across my neck.

Robbie held up his pear phone flashing what a lion's paw looked like.

_What's so special about this shell Lil Red?_

_It's a rare shell one my dad and I have been looking for years for_

_If it's so rare how is Jade going to know what it looks like?_

_Be.. _I sniffled sneezing twice.

_Bless you Lil red_

_Thanks Andre _

_Jade has seen it before she was with my dad and I plenty of times when we would research shells we wanted to find._

We watched while Jade dove deep only to come up empty handed each time looking at me. I tried to keep my eyes from filling up but no matter how hard I tried each time my eyes filled anyway.

She dove back under.

Over and over this scene played over the sun started to set.

_Jade please you need to stop_

Beck warned her I could see Jade was having trouble breathing she was shaking I could see by the look on her face she was in pain somewhere.

_Jade please stop baby it's okay_

My voice choked by the tears I didn't want her to see.

I sighed I had to let go of this dream of seeing my dad's face when I brought home that shell.

I could see the smile spread across his face my dad is big strong he's about 5'8 he's always working out jogging and lifting weights.

He's tan from hours in the sun he teaches kids Taekwondo on the beach Monday, Wednesday, Friday plus he is a world wide photographer he specializes in beach scenes and wild life shots.

My dad was always traveling to get the perfect shot he was surrounded by all these important people who were so smart.

As a kid I was always trying to get time to spend with my dad and make him smile. He saw so many beautiful things in his travels so it took a lot to impress him.

This would do it I was sure of it.

I wanted the shell but every time I saw her come up she was paler she was shaking and she was starting to turn blue my heart was racing at the thought of what she was putting her body through just to make me happy.

_Jade please_

She looked at me I had to convince her to stop.

If something happened to her because she was trying to make me happy I would never forgive myself.

Jade's icy blue eyes stared into my own tear filled hazel eyes.

_Jade please sweetheart stop you've been searching for hours it's gone baby _

Fighting the tide I waddled to her to wrap my arms over her shoulders.

Jade's scent filled my nose a combo of cinnamon and vanilla and ocean scent it's strange but it worked for me.

I felt so loved in her arms she pulled me to her rubbing my back shoulders.

No one had ever did so much for me she made me feel so loved and so special her touch sent waves of warmth through me her lips touched my forehead making me smile.

Coming out of the hug she ran her hands over my arms looking into her eyes I found myself speechless.

Water splashed on my face as she dove back under.

The sun set and with it she took the warmth a chill came in Tori held me while Beck and Andre dove in after her we hadn't seen her come back up for ten minutes.

It was dark and I was so worried she wouldn't stop till she found it.

_Jade_

I screamed the cold water was dropping in temperature fast I was shaking from standing in it now it had to be in the fifty's now.

Soon her muscles would start to lose coordination strength the blood would start to move away from the extremities and go to the core of her body.

She was already shaking and breathing hard.

_Jade!_

Tori tried to calm me down rubbing my arms her left arm over my shoulders.

_She'll be okay she's smart she's strong_

_It's so cold Tori she's been in too long_

_Jade!_

We yelled as she came up gasping for air I broke away from Tori and splashed through the water grabbing her.

_Don't ever do that to me again!_

_You scared the hell out of me Jadelyn West!_

She was gasping hard her body was frozen I held her close trying to warm her up.

Looking at her I could see that her lips were deep blue/purple her eyes were red.

_Jade you could of killed yourself staying down that long!_

_What would I do if anything happened to you?_

I hit her arm.

_What do you have to say to me?_

Jade doesn't apologize ever but she knows how much I love her she looked at me breathing heavy.

_I thought the old lady dropped it into the ocean?_

She held up the shell I screamed grabbing it crying from shock and happiness.

_How did you find it Jade?_

Beck asked pushing back his hair.

_Cause I'm Jade bitch _

I screamed again

_How can I thank you?_

_Shut-up and kiss me_

I jumped into her arms wrapping my legs around her waist as I leaned in and kissed her with my whole heart and soul.


	3. Chapter 3 Kissing

**Kissing**

**Cat's p o v**

**[This chapter contains sexually explicit scenes which may not be suitable for younger readers] **

_Thank you baby thank you.._

Jade's mouth lingered all over my body sending waves of pleasure Pulsing through my body.

Currently her delicious lips were fully covering my left nipple sucking on my breast causing me to moan.

There was nothing like the feeling of having the one person who you loved more than life itself covering your body with her sweet juices.

My whole body was energized by just pure happiness pinning Jade against the bed I was so glad Tori and Andre were out on the town tonight. I would have to thank Tori for keeping Trina occupied.

Pressing my naked body fully on top of Jade's my arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders her nails bearing down on my bare butt as our hips gently but firmly grinding with each others.

Jade's soft deep moans filled the room her mouth sliding from my left breast to the little space between both breasts sending waves of pleasure coursing through my whole upper half.

Her fingers moved from up my butt sliding up my back leaving little tingles as each touch faded to the next, I was trembling as she touched me her fingers now sliding to where her lips were kissing me across my nipples which were fully perked.

Slowly she turned me so I was now laying on the bottom and her amazing toned body was on top of mine her hands wandering over me, gently taking her hands into mine. I ran my soft hands over her curled up fingers.

After she had gotten the shell for me I had seen how torn up her hands were digging through rocks sand shells broken glass and animals at the bottom she had been cut and bruised and her hands were bloody and raw.

I had washed them for her but even now hours later they were sore hurting and red and shaky.

To comfort her I took each finger sliding my lips over each delicate piece of flesh. Her mouth covering my breasts and chest.

Moving to my stomach.

Sucking each finger causing her to moan in pleasure.

My lips took each finger in between them giving them each the same amount of attention. Her eyes closed as I guided my lips down her arms feeling her tiny hairs on each arms standing at salute. This for some reason made me giggle.

Our bodies moved in sync our lips caressed each others bodies.

Every hair on her sweet delicate muscular arms was standing up Jade was funny with hair she hated having hair on any part of her body except her head.

I remember when she was 15 right after we started junior high she thought it was gross to have hair anywhere so she took a razor and shaved herself bald all over except her head.

But her arms were so sensitive that when she shaved them the razor left cuts all over her arms and she bleed like mad. Towel after towel was drenched she called me up hysterically crying afraid she was going to die.

I still remember sitting on her bathroom floor holding her amidst the huge room on the cold tiles while she cried and I tried desperately to stop the bleeding.

She was so afraid to go back to school and hear the whispers and the rumors.

The first day back Jet Blanche who was one of the most popular girls back in Jr. high and hated us went after her it was a really hot day like 102 and Jade was wearing all black jeans and a long sleeved t-shirt.

She didn't change for gym she didn't want anyone to see her scars but changing was required and if you didn't you would get in trouble. Jet made sure everyone in class knew Jade didn't change announcing it to Mr. Kirk who reamed Jade out.

Jade was so mad she went after Jet they got into a huge fight but Jet had her friends with her Jade and I had no friends that would back us up.

I was too scared to help her I was so small and weak No one helped not even the teacher they out numbered her, beating her hitting her kicking her to the ground holding her down as they ripped her clothes.

She was left nearly naked her whole upper body exposed the class had fallen silent they just stared at her pointed and laughed whispering.

Than Jet and her friends started making comments calling her an Emo Freak a mutant, a spaz an idiot. Gothic Bitch.

She ran out in tears covering her chest. I was openly crying and shaking on her behalf I was so pissed but I didn't have the guts to say anything to them so I just ran out after her.

She was standing in the shower crying and beating the wall I could only hug her there were no words I could say to comfort her.

Mr. Kirk called her guidance counselor who called Children and Youth thinking she was doing it to herself they sat and questioned her for hours and hours but she remained silent never saying a word.

They questioned me but silence worried me and I knew if I ratted her out she would freak out on me and I couldn't lose my only friend.

Her parents were called which was a disaster all they did was fight with each other in front of her about her.

She got up and walked out I tried to follow her but my parents had also been called and they wouldn't let me go after her no matter how much I screamed and cried.

She was gone all day and night I was so worried I didn't eat all I did was cry sitting by the window looking for her.

The school decided she needed therapy after this incident, she never went home that night but at 1:15 am she came to my room climbing up the tree by my window she was drunk and had this wild look in her eyes.

After that day the whole school looked at her differently they were whispering about her being a Emo freak who injured herself for attention.

Her parents blamed her for being an attention seeking freak and a drama queen.

They fought all the time.

By high school Jade decided that if everyone was going to label her she might as well give them a reason to label her she dyed her hair black got a tattoo and pierced body parts some I can't even bare to think about never mind mention.

She dressed all in black and started to like everything that most people feared.

_O-H G-o-d C-a-t Yeeessss_

Her sweet voice filled my ears as my fingers slide inside of her starting slow and gentle, I massaged her inside her very soft wet delicate V-Lips listening and smiling as her breathing changed form soft and slow to fast and heavy. Her moans were filled with ecstasy as my fingers became drenched in her sweetness increasing their pace.

Laying there with her was the most purest of joys holding her spectacular curvy body in my arms made me feel like I was the luckiest most precious girl in the world.

Her eyes were fully closed as my face rested on her breasts my lips gently kissing her sides.

_Thank you Cat_

Her voice was so sexy as she purred out her appreciation to me I smiled blushing.

_I have never felt so amazing _

_So loved so protected so treasured_

_Your amazing Cat so sexy so sweet so beautiful so genuine_

_I love you Kitty_

_Thank you for not hurting me_

Picking my head up I looked at Jade was she crazy?

Brushing back my sweat soaked hair I pulled myself up and towered over her as she lay under the covers covering her chest with the comforter.

_Jade sweetie I made you a promise_

_When we first got together_

_Do you remember it?_

Staring straight into her eyes I saw all the pain and confusion fear doubt and self loathing.

_Jade_

Pulling myself closer to her I was directly over her feeling her sweet breath on my own checks seeing the rise and fall of her delicate Décolletage with each sweet precious breath.

_Jade do you remember?_

She turned to me eyes dead locking with mine smiling.

_Yes baby I do_

_What were the words I said to you Jade?_

She smiled kissing my check running her hand over my face I felt the tears pooling in my eyes.

_You promised me you wouldn't be like Beck or Ryder, Moose or any of the losers I dated_

_Jade you are more than a pair of amazing boobs I see past your sweet buns_

She grinned kissing my neck as I squeezed her butt.

_I see inside your soul I love you for who you are inside_

_I love the real Jade the one who hides behind the moonlight_

_I love how protective you are to me_

_I love how you push me and encourage me to be my best not cause you want to_

_Live through me or live off me but because you know how much I love to preform_

_You see the best in me you know how to pull it out of me_

_You know how smart I am Jade you treat me like I am the _

_Most prized diamond like I am priceless_

I traced my fingernails over her stomach, arms, chest she smiled her smile lite up inside something inside of me melted.

_I know how deeply you feel I know how caring and loving and how genuine you are_

_Your independent your intelligent but not arrogant_

_You showed me what it means to be a real woman_

_Through you I see what being a real woman is all about _

_It doesn't mean you have to be all silly and filly wearing dainty little colors_

_It means you can be strong and like sports you can have tattoos and like heavy metal_

_You can do anything a man can and still like to play dress up smell pretty_

_People see you as this tough dark scary girl I see Jade the little girl in pink tutu's_

_Who just wanted to be her best._

_There's more to you than meets the eye inside beats a heart of gold_

_Thank you Jade for fighting for me loving me protecting me_

_I may not be the class Valedictorian but I'm not dumb and I know that I have_

_The sweetest deal life can give me as long as I'm with you._

I took her left hand placing it over my heart.

_Believe me I wouldn't break your heart _

_Cause breaking yours would break mine_

_Why would I inflict pain on myself?_

_I'm the biggest baby when it comes to pain._

Jade smiled pulling me down to her kissing my hand.

_Cat?_

_Yes Jade?_

_Don't play me just shut-up and kiss me_

I laughed leaning down to kiss her sweet cherry lips.

Relaxing with Jade is easy she makes me feel so treasured. I never worry about kissing badly sweating or anything kissing her feels so right I started with in between her eyes as she squirmed which turns me on.

Soft like a butterfly landing on your fingers I close my eyes I hear a soft piano playing as I let my kisses trail all over her face.

Like a slow dance when your ten or eleven and just staring to date. I play it cool kissing her from her left check down her jaw line. I feel her relaxing her body pressed so close to mine I feel her hearts every beat. I feel her nipples harden I feel her wetness as she moans so soft.

I move my lips up to her lips as the music crescendo's just like our heartbeats like a drumbeat at a rock concert.

I let my lips linger kissing her first on her lower lip sucking teasing her delicious juiciness.

Her chest exploded as her whole body was filled with desire and overwhelming love.

Nippling I giggle as she tried not to scream my lips tug on hers playing a cat's and mouse game she tries to catch me. I pull away only to nipple at her lower lip. Our mouths open wider exploring each others.

I look deep in her eyes I see how much she wants me Jade pulls me she doesn't do patience well I squeak as our bodies are crushed together she presses her lips crashing into mine.

She darted her tongue inside of my mouth my lips and checks throbbing in pleasure she pulled out leaving me aching for more before I could groan she was back inside longer deeper her tongue took my lip licking it gently sliding.

Tiny noises escaped building deep from my throat my breathing fast she was trying so hard to please me because that's how Jade really is she cares more about making me happy than herself.

The kisses are deep our bodies are filled with pleasure we can't breathe as we take a break our bodies rolling with each other our arms locked around each other we kiss deeper our eyes are locked than close our noises only added to our arousals.

We nipple we lick we tease and kiss I worship her face her eyebrows remembering the time I accidentally shaved them off. I can't giggle cause my mouth is full of her. I kiss her nose the corner of her mouth my tongue runs the edge of her lips our bodies grind slow and long.

Jade's favorite move of course is The Scissors and while I hate the feeling of being twisted as our bodies grind I do it every time because she loves it and in the end the pleasure that we both feel as we climax.

Well there's no words to describe it.

Jade understands I don't need the sex just a simple kiss with someone I love can leave my lips and mouth watering buzzing and throbbing for hours.

Simulated, sensual, erotic there's a sweetness to the simplicity of the intimacy of kissing.


	4. Chapter 4 More Beautiful You

**More Beautiful You**

**Cat's P.O.V**

"_Oh My thighs are huge yuck my butt is massive_

_Jade be quiet I love your thighs their so sweet and thick it just means more juice for me to suck_

She giggled as I ran my hands down her body as the warm water rushed over us.

Jade leaned back kissing me long and slow closing the distance between us my eyes slowly closed as I let my body take control.

Turning around I felt her hands rest on my hips. I hated when Jade put herself down to me she was just so damn beautiful so exotic.

Running my shampoo filled hands through her hair. I scrunched up her hair lathering her up as she kissed my neck her hands running over the small of my back.

Why did all the sexy and smart girls feel like they were ugly? Ever since I've known Jade she's always been beautiful she was always tall and thin now she's 5'7 and weighs 121 Lbs.

Jade's always been fast and light on her feet she could out run any of the boys she could jump the highest in dance and leap in the most beautiful arches all our dance teachers loved her.

Than in 8th grade puberty hit her hard with a vengeance she went from a 32B to a 36D her waist line is 36-23-34 and to me it's perfect but Jade always wishes she was smaller she feels so slow in dance she hates the way boys stare at her and use her body for their own sick pleasures.

She acts so calm cool and confident I wish I could act like her but I can't I hate my body.

"_Jade the ocean is so pretty at night look at the colorful lights from the ferris wheel gleaming on the ocean front._

Jade and I were strolling along the boardwalk with Tori and Andre her head resting on his chest.

_I know Kitty Cat it's beautiful just like you_

_Ow Jadey thank you your so sweet _

_Oh my god Jade sweet it's going to snow_

_Shut-up Vega_

_Make Me West_

_Don't dare me_

Tori stuck out her tongue which Andre found sexy I could tell by the look in his eyes as he kissed her nose.

_Jade can't you just see us doing this here every night?_

We stopped at the pier she pulled me close running her hands up and down my arms as we kissed cuddling under the moonlight her face looked so relaxed as we stood swaying. Tori jumped on the wooden railing as Andre hooked his arms under her knees.

_Cat as long as I am with you I don't give a chiz what school we go to_

_I just want to be with you baby_

I giggled she's just so damn cute when she's demanding.

Looking at the boardwalk full of teens and young adults partying, dancing mingling at shops & clubs restaurants holding hands kissing older couples playing chest or strolling down the boardwalk.

I could see myself holding hands with Jade as we relaxed after classes.

All the schools we had visited with were top of the line Education and performance wise you couldn't get better. They were beautiful inside and out they each offered challenges & many rich opportunities.

Tampa, Miami, Orlando, each city had their own nightlife scene, beaches, clubs, cafe's performers on the boardwalks and strips.

Beaches I could see Jade and I jogging every morning on the beaches in the early sunrising cuddling as the sun rose.

Stopping into little cafe's before school to grab coffee and a danish.

New York City was the capital of all Entertainment it's core pulsed with undying energy rich with chances to soak up as much history and future.

I could see us rushing to get to class with millions of people all hustling to catch a sub, a buss or walk to class stopping at one of the hundred of shops to grab coffee juice or a bagel as we rushed to class.

Hitting the gym after school than the night clubs exploring the city our creative juices flowing with so much love or art surrounding us.

Just thinking of all our opportunities laying ahead of us made me feel so excited about our futures.

Leaning up I kissed her again she looked up at me kissing me deep smiling.

Andre and Tori seemed to agree with Jade. Tori leaned against the railing after being helped down Andre pressed his body against hers they shared a kiss.

The stars were beaten down in a beautiful glow the moon hung low and full the sky was just so amazing.

Must teens have these feelings of wanting to break free get away from home go to a city far away so they can have that freedom to party and live on their own.

I already have that freedom to me going away means a chance to live my dreams and get a top if the line education at the best performance school.

None of it matters though if Jade isn't with me that's why I am so happy she puts me first and will go wherever I want.

I'm excited and nervous scared what if I can't cut it? College is bound to be way harder than high school. What if I'm not pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough. How can I measure up next to someone like Demi or Selena?

_Cat stop doubting yourself seriously __it's annoying_

_There's no one out there who has more talent more heart more strength than you_

_I love every part of you from your skin__your hair your laugh your eyes you were made to __fulfill_

_A purpose and there can nor will will there ever be a more beautiful than you _

_Just stop over thinking and just believe in me_

_Believe In your awesomeness_

_Cause I believe you are 100% perfect the way you are_

I started to cry she spun me around laughing kissing me pinning me against the railing all my doubts washed away.

_How do you do it Jade?_


	5. Chapter 5 One More Step

**One More**

**Cat's p o v**

**{ Bold Italic are song lyrics writing by me Light Italic are dialog] **

"_**One More Step**_

Chase left right arm swept across my chest eyes ahead focused on the mirrors in front of me count of four music pumping out the speakers.

_**Push yourself you are stronger than the pain**_

Retire hold steady Cat deep breath in listen to the music feel it inside.

Keep it clean stay in time to the music stay in sync with your class.

_**Don't stop one more step reach for the stars you are the one in charge**_

_**Of your own destiny**_

Lunge in second position from my left knee keep it straight Cat leap into the pointe fan kick feel the music close your eyes don't think just feel.

_**There are no enemies lining up **_

_**Just the one fighting to break free**_

_**She lives within**_

Quick Cat no time to stop grapevine don't look at your classmates hitch kick, jazz pas bouree feel the wind rip across your face through your hair feel the sweat and the burn.

It's all about the music now and the dance.

_**Push yourself higher Beauty has a price**_

Ball Change traveling chasse founde jump high arms in second a clean landing.

_**Fight the battle in your mind**_

_**Ignore the hunger feel the desire**_

_**Just one more step**_

_**Victory is in sight**_

Down slap hands on the floor make sure your feet aren't sickle count of two spring up in fourth position mambo turn.

There was my partner Basil Leofe in fourth position waiting for me to Chaine over into the running jump where he lifted me up before doing a series of Chaine turns across the floor with me lifted up in the air arms and back arched.

_**Your learning how to survive**_

_**No one wants you to stay **_

_**In a world full of the insane queens you've got to be An all star **_

_**A beauty in everyone's eyes**_

_**Except your own **_

Spotting I always chose this one spot on the wall half way up it's a stain of Strawberry jelly from last year when Jade and I had been rushing to class and I was trying to eat a piece of toast with jelly and Jade was trying to grab it and take a bite but I was starving and we fought over it and the whole thing flew up and smashed on the wall.

Jade and I had looked at each other than the wall and ran to the other side laughing no one had seen it beside us so through the whole class we kept looking at it and watching to see if Mrs. Zhuravlyor would see it.

She didn't and it stayed there till right before the end of class when it came down smacking Robbie in the face causing him to crash into another dancer and send them both to the Nurse ending his dance career with Mrs. Zhur.

The spot remained dried and nasty looking but I always laughed at the memory. Concrete Cat he spins me grabs my hand as we go into back pas de bouree's.

_**If you fall from grace who will catch the tears falling from your face**_

_**Laughter has died from your gentle face**_

_**The kids are cruel to you they think you don't hear**_

_**You can't feel don't you wish you were invisible**_

_**Every word tears your fragile soul**_

_**Focus on the goal they don't understand**_

_**What they can't know**_

_**One More...Oh..Yea just one more**_

Focus Cat focus on your spot side Ariel go hard go strong keep it clean.

Deep breath release the music stopped. I held tight to the barre as I try to catch my breath normally everyone was already getting ready for the bell to ring quickly racing to the locker rooms.

Everyone but me I stood at the barre looking into the mirrors my whole body was just so gross so out of proportions it was sickening. Laying a hand on my stomach I felt the fat jiggling on my palm.

Gross

_Great class Cat_

I jumped a bit as Basil came up smiling he planted a kiss on my check he is always such a gentleman.

_Thanks you to _

Liar I sucked I was off on my timing my body was just so slow today I felt so heavy I could barely land my jumps without wobbling and the thud when I landed was deafening.

He grabbed his bag waiting for me quickly I grabbed mine he would wait he was always so sweet waiting for me before and after class carrying my books and my bags.

Basil is what you think about when you think male dancer at 16 he was 5'7 and weighs about 121 lbs he's built but he's not bulging in muscles. His short hair was naturally light brown but he has it dyed in rainbow colors.

He is always dressed in the latest fashions he uses only the best scents which I can never identify.

_Cat may I see you after class?_

We turned to see Mrs. Zhuravlyor standing by us her eyes dead locked on us her arms crossed across her chest.

Mrs. Zhuravlyor is 57 and she hails from **Zheleznodorozhny** Russia she was born to a very poor family who lived on a farm but every since she was a kid she loved to watch the dance shows in Moscow.

She self taught herself the moves and when she was about five while her family was shopping at Christmas time she spotted by a local dancer teacher who saw her practicing her moves.

Long story short she was given a chance to study at a local dance school in Moscow by this teacher in return she worked by cleaning the studio and answering phones as she got older.

She got accepted into the royal ballet school at age 13 and she moved to London from there she got accepted into the company she traveled and toured for years before coming to La to attend college when she was too old to be in the company anymore.

She Choreographed on Broadway for years until she got married to a dancer from one of her shows.

When she got pregnant she stopped working and raised her kids till they were old enough to go to school.

They moved to La when her kids were teenagers and that's when she got a job teaching here now she also works as Choreographer for west coast shows.

She's tough and takes no bull shit she's been known to break kids down and cause them to quit class and dance.

She makes me want to wet myself I try very hard to stay out of her range last year her and Jade got into a huge fight and she got her suspend.

To this day Jade isn't allowed in her class or studio so Jade has to take class with any of the other teachers.

No one wants to draw her attention she never gives compliments only yells and insults us.

Yet I respect her because her students that make it really make it she has students that are stars on Broadway, West End, she has kids who travel with famous dance companies kids who have made it as backup dancers for some of the biggest stars, who have made it in ballroom competitions.

Basil gave me a sympathetic look before rushing out what did I do wrong? Let me rephrase that what didn't I do wrong? There was so many things what would she yell at me for? How bad was this going to be?

No excuses Cat whatever she says just apologize and vow to fix it.

Her eyes bore down on me. Her thick Russian accent made it hard to understand but she spoke slow and precise.

_How did ya think ya did?_

_Was it how do you youngin's say awful?_

_Was it good?_

_Can ya tell me why it was either?_

I was sweating and nervous I felt sick and dizzy she couldn't think I was that awful could she? Was this a trick question?

_I was lazy and I didn't practice during Christmas break Mrs. Zhur _

_Perhaps Catrina that is part of thee reason but I have been a professional dance instructor for many years._

She put her hands on my hips as we stood in front of the mirror my eyes locked up with hers she was tall and graceful so elegant even at 57 she was beautiful. 

_I always say a dancer dances like an angel when she or he knows their own body_

_Tell me Catrina what do we see when we look in the mirror and see this body?_

She hit my hips I heard the fat jiggle and my eyes filled with tears what was she about to say?

She was waiting for me I felt like I was going to choke as I tried to get the words out.

_I .._

_See.._

_Fat..._

_I am fat..._


	6. Chapter 6 My Skin My Story

**My Skin, My Story**

**Cat's p o v**

_Fat Hips_

_Fat Thighs_

_Fat Stomach_

My hands felt their way down the sides of my body I could see the fat bulging out of my leotard.

She nodded her head looking me over. I saw the shame in her eyes as she looked me over the disgust.

_I suspect that you got a wee bit lazy while you were touring for colleges perhaps you ate a bit too much_

_Had some fatting deserts without excising?_

_Am I correct Cat?_

I thought back to that donut that Tori and I shared on Friday morning the ice cream Jade and I had shared while we walked the boardwalk.

I thought about the Chicken pasta Alfredo that I had on Thursday night when Mr. Sikowitz had taken us to that fancy restaurant the crème brulee we had all shared for dessert.

Chicken Alfredo would be at least 630 calories

The powdered cake donut would be about 330

The mint choc chip ice cream was about 270

Than the crème Brulee was 575

Add it all together that was 1805 calories god I was a stupid pig what was I thinking? I knew what that would do to my body!

Tears over flowed damn it now not only was I a fat disgusting pig I was a cry baby too no wonder she wanted to see me I was a disgrace to the dance world.

I felt her hands on my shoulders as I tried to hold back my tears but I was shaking so hard, her eyes softened as they met mine in the mirror.

_Do not cry little princess_

She whipped away my tears.

_Tis normal to want foods that shall we say are not healthy _

_After all you is young and you is still growing young bodies need nourishment to prosper and grow_

_So it is fine in moderation with exercises_

_You want to be professional dancer yes? _

_Ye..s...more than anything I want to be a well rounded performer in all aspects of the industry_

_That is smart Catrina in today's world you need to be able to do all singing, dancing, acting it is all hand in hand._

_Those who are multi talented have the best shots at making it_

_Than you must think of that as a dancer and not of a teenage girl_

_You must always remember if you cheat you must balance it out eat a donut fine but do 50 sit ups run a few miles._

_Always practice Catrina that is what makes a beautiful dancer_

_Think of it this way you are a beautiful singer yes?_

_I'm okay not amazing_

_Liar I have heard you Catrina you have the voice of an angel and your voice is your temple it is the wind to your wings without it there would be no song right?_

_Yes I suppose_

_You wouldn't take silly chances with it right like go out in the rain and yell for hours_

_No that would be silly_

_Yes it would be my dear so think of your body as a piece of precious artwork_

_You must take care of it feed it only healthy foods exercises and keep fit yes?_

_Yes Ma'am_

_Good it is clear you need to be reminded of this _

_But it is okay for now you is still a child_

_It is my job to teach and prepare you to be a professional dancer _

_So from now on you listen to me yes?_

_Yes Ma'am_

She went over to her bag and pulled out a packet for me handing it to me she smiled whipping away the few remaining tears.

_Your skin is only a layer of what you are Catrina _

_It is what holds you together deep inside that will define who you become_

_Your Skin Cat you control how it stretches and folds_

_Let us see your beautiful story take care and tune it right and the world will see a rare piece of artwork_

_We haven't seen yet I see great things ahead for you Catrina but it's up to you to achieve them_

_We must work as a team Catrina Like Basil holds you up high in the air_

_He is good dancer very technical you like Basil?_

_Yes Ma'am he is very nice_

_Yes good boy he is but he is only that a boy he is not yet a man he can not hold up 1,000 lbs_

Did she just say I was 1,000 lbs? I wasn't that fat! Was I?

I felt my face flush I felt the tears form again is that why he was so sweet to me did he feel sorry for me?

_It is no worry yet Catrina we will fix this little problem_

_We will work with this diet plan we will work out an exercise plan_

_You will stay after school and practice we will drop at least 20 lbs in the next two weeks_

_Is that a plan that works for you Catrina are you a serious dancer or shall I not waste my time?_

_There are plenty of others who would..._

_No it's a plan Ma'am_

_Very well than run along and change I will write you an excuse for your next class._

I stayed standing at this sheet of paper as I teared up again 200 calories a day. How was I suppose to do that again without losing control?

I had to do it didn't I? My career depended on it my future.

Coming out of the shower I stopped in front of the mirror undoing my towel to look at myself fully naked.

Fat

_Catrina _

I jumped as she stood behind me.

_Come into my office we shall weigh you and get a feel on what you really weigh_

She took my hand leading me into her office closing the door I watched as she drug out the scale fear rising in my throat. I felt sick I didn't want to see those numbers my head was dizzy. I knew what they meant they never said anything good.

The scale groaned as she helped me stand on it great even this damn thing was telling me I was fat before the numbers even had time to register.

She smiled at me sympathetically.

100

The number glared at me making me sick she hugged me.

_It is only a number Catrina it does not define you this is not what I aim for I do not care about numbers_

_I care about performance and how you feel_

_We shall lose 20 lbs and you shall be lighter and freer and move so much easier_

_You may not even need 20 just 5 may do it_

She made it sound so damn easy but she had no clue she had no idea just how hard it was for me to start something and to stop.

One More Step Catrina one step at a time it's my skin I can do this I just have to set limits and maintain control not let it control me.

You won't be like last time you can do this deep breath Cat it's My Skin My Story I am the one in control just make a choice and set your goals you can stay focused.

It's not a crazy plan it's just a simple diet.


	7. Chapter 7 Courage

**Courage**

**Cat's p o v**

**Eating Disorders Are Not A Joke they are very real and very serious. The weights here do not mean anyone who weighs these numbers are overweight this is just how people with Eating Disorders or E.D's see themselves.**

_Ah..._

Jade's screams filled the hallway echoing the hallways of Hollywood Arts I was just rounding the corner in time to see her balancing a steaming hot cup of coffee on top of a pile of books all in her left arm. While she tried to open her locker with her free right hand.

Robbie was by her side yapping about a new horror movie he thought looked good enough to see while Rex was calling him a wimp and a pansy.

Jade's body was tense she was fighting the urge to pound him silly I felt it from a hallway away why they had an expression like pound someone silly was the silliest part to me. I mean really when your getting pounded was there anything really silly about it?

I mean the person getting hurt wasn't laughing and if someone was hurting someone they were generally angry not laughing.

My sense's were fully awake even without Coffee whenever something was bothering her I always felt it.

I had gotten home so late from our trip last night 11:30pm all I wanted was to crash but when I got home my room mate Sam was being frisked by the police and the kids we babysit for were running wild and there was angry parents to deal with.

It took hours to straighten up by the time we did and Sam was free she had crashed on the couch watching TV with a bucket of fried chicken but it was 6 am so I barely had time to take a shower dress get my books and race to catch the buss.

I hadn't even seen any of my friends yet. I had no idea why Jade was so tense but a tense Jade and a Yappy Robbie could only mean one thing Trouble.

Quickly I ran over before she could shed his blood with one of her scissors batting my eyelashes at him I watched as he lost all focus on her and turned his head to me Rex whistled he's a creepy puppet.

_Oh Robbie babe_

Grinning at me he sighed as I twirled my hair yawing.

_Yes Cat? What do you desire? Your greatest wish is my hearts content to fulfill_

_Coffee extra large with no cream and two sweet And low's _

_Right away Princess _

_Oh and Robbie?_

_Yes babe?_

_Not this school crap I want real Coffee_

_You mean two blocks down?_

_Yes but I mean if it's a problem than_

_No not at all no problem I'll fetch it and I shall return_

He was off Jade let out a frustrated sigh and a grunt glaring at me I shrugged.

_Flirting with a loser boy and his pathetic puppet Cat really have you no shame?_

_Hey it worked didn't it Jade? He's gone and your free_

I slapped her butt going to my locker as she screamed pounding her fist into her locker seconds later it flew open and smashed her in the face I winched as she cursed but her coffee never spilled.

_Bout bloody damn time you opened piece of _

_Jade be nice_

_Why?_

_Cause I asked you to it's not the lockers fault your having a crappy morning_

_Instead of wasting time cursing out a piece of metal you could tell me what's wrong and I can kiss you_

_Unless you want to kiss metal instead of these babies_

I smacked my lips applying lipstick in my mini mirror she glared but slowly smiled.

_Sorry Kitty my demon spawn of a brother was up all night playing Grand Theft Auto 3 _

_Where was Mom?_

_Who knows not home that's all I know_

_The whole house was shaking I couldn't sleep I have a pounding headache and I feel nauseated_

_Oh and I failed my English Assignment I was so messed up I had no idea what I was doing_

Closing my locker smacking my lips again I went over wrapping my arms around her waist instantly her body relaxed as I kissed her neck and shoulders she was warm and so tense. I didn't even want to tell her she was sweating she would really go off.

_Babe chill I'm sorry you are having a bad day so far_

_You can sleep at my place tonight if you want_

_Yes please Cat_

_Sure babe and I will help you with your assignment sweetie don't stress _

_Thank You Cat_

_Always baby always_

She turned to me kissing me as a pierce whistle rang through the air.

_No Kissing in the halls No PDA!_

_Get to class!_

Principle Helen

Jade screamed slamming her locker her coffee never even trembled damn even the coffee was scared of her.

Jade could barely keep her eyes open in Sikowitz's class her favorite class her head kept falling against my shoulder not that I minded at all, it was sweet looking over to see that long wavy luscious hair falling across my chest smelling her coffee breaths as she exhaled, inhaled in and out.

_Jade perhaps you can tell us!_

slammed down his foot on the metal chair scaring all of us Tori screamed jumping into Andre's arms who just shrugged and grinned.

Jade looked at like a fox looks at a rat.

stared her down was he tripping on his coconut juice again? No one stares down Jade West.

If he wasn't tripping what was he?

_Hello jade_

_Well what is it Sikowitz?_

_Can you tell us the theory of acutely reality verse physiology reality? _

I looked at her she kept a straight face but when I saw her fingers digging into her thighs I knew she was clueless course so was I so I couldn't help her.

Seriously how were we suppose to know did it really exist or was this some kind of juice inspired dream that appears in his mind when he's cloud hopping?

My stomach growled loudly embarrassing me my face blushed looking around no one noticed all eyes were on Jade and . I would be in tears by now if it was me.

Jade had so much courage to be herself she didn't let anyone stop her.

_Were all waiting Jade don't keep your classmates in suspense_

_Yea lets go were getting hungry waiting_

She turned to face Rex who grinned Robbie shifted down in his seat at her icy glare.

Tori's voice called out from the other side of the room as she grinned at shaking her hand in the air.

She had her own brand of courage or stupidity for what she said next.

_Give it up Jade doesn't know the answer but I do!_

_Pick me! Pick me! _

Jade turned to her with her icy blue glare as she hissed out sharply.

_Vega Shut up I know the answer_

_So what are you waiting for young Jadelyn?_

_For you to grow hair_

The whole class roared in laughter stood in front of the class arms crossed glaring. How did Jade have the courage to talk to a teacher like that? I mean sure he was strange but he was still a teacher and I was raised to respect adults no matter who they were.

_You think this is funny young West? Do you?_

_No I think it's pathetic _

I tugged at her sleeve trying to get her to stop but the class was roaring in laughter which just egged her on more.

_Even my old Chucky doll has more hair than you and I put that through every reenactment of the scissoring I could think up._

_Yes Jade I'm sure you think premature balding is the funniest thing since you and Beck breaking up was to us but that's just your immaturity showing through._

Jade's face flushed as the class snickered oohing Beck sank down in his seat looking around. Jade's face went beat red.

_Your very good at dodging the question Jade _

_I'm sorry Phys co witz but the shine from your head was distracting me what was it again?_

Mr. Sikowitz glared right back staring into Jade's eyes she never flinched than he was across the stage lighting quick jumping in front of Tori clapping his hands she screamed squeaked and jumped up so fast she lost her balance and fell into his plants.

_Sikowitz I know the answer_

_Congrats young Beck so what is it?_

_Well the theory of _

He slammed a walking stick down yelling out

_Drive by exercise your all tourist lost in the amazons filled with chimps _

We all jumped up and started acting crazy.

By lunch time I was starving sick to my stomach from not eating. Sitting down at the table with everyone as they chowed down on Sushi, Hamburger, salads, Pasta suddenly I didn't feel so hungry 's voice rang out in my head.

100

Drop 20 lbs

Follow this diet!

Tears stung my eyes your fat Cat you'll never make it as a dancer unless you lose the tub.

Courage you can do this you've done this before you can do this again only stick to it this time! Mean it!

_Cat aren't you hungry?_

Tori asked super happily as she chowed down on her Salad. Andre was nippling on her neck.

_This salad is delicious Cat I'll share half of it if _

_You don't have money_

Tori was always so sweet I smiled don't tell them your plans lie they won't worry so much.

_No I'm fine Tori thanks though_

_You sure Cat? There's more than enough and Andre doesn't like salad_

_No man I'm a growing boy and boys don't thrive on weeds and whatever that purple chiz is_

_Right Beck?_

He nudged Beck who was half asleep looking at a magazine hidden inside a book he jumped up blushing.

_Totally man whatever you say_

_What kind of magazine do you have Beck?_

_Nothing Tori_

_I think it's something_

_No it's nothing really_

_Nothing is usually something_

_It's nothing go back to eating that purple disease chiz_

_It's kale and it's yummy_

She bit into a piece making a bitter face making us all laugh. I heard a lump as she swallowed_._

Jade turned to me her eyes smiling despite the scowl on her face as she turned from Tori.

_Cat if you need money all you have to do is ask I'll gladly buy lunch baby doll_

Jade gave me a quick kiss on the check checking for Principle Helen who was a strict one for rules we already got busted once twice would mean a detention and loss of privileges in the music, drama rooms.

_Jade that's sweet _

_Shut-up Jade West is not sweet _

_Vega watch it_

_Or what?_

Jade stood up pounding her left fist into her right palm Tori swallowed looking nervous.

What was Jade Going to do?


	8. Chapter 8 Couarge Defined

**Courage Defined**

**Cat's p. o. v**

_I'm not scared of you West_

_Well you should be_

_Ye-ah Tori baby maybe you should sit down_

Andre tugged at her skirt but Tori refused to budge. Even as he begged her.

_I like you as you are I don't want Jade rearranging any of your beautiful parts_

_Get your eyes checked Andre you call that beautiful?_

_Hey_

_Is for horses oh well than again I guess a donkey is a close enough reach _

_Jade chill_

_Stay out of this Beck_

She held up his hands sitting down again.

_Take it back_

_Why?_

_Cause it's mean _

_Well I am the queen of mean_

_Your a fake Jade we all know under all that darkness lies a heart of _

_Ew..._

Tori screamed as Jade grabbed Sinjiin's fish bowel dumping it over her head, Sinjiin dove after his fish flopping on the table we screamed as he flopped down to.

Beck& Andre grabbed me pulling me back to avoid anymore wet sloppiness.

All day my stomach hurt my head started to hurt now to but I fought them both off with some gum and a few extra laps around the gym.

Jade was sent to Principle Helen for what she did to Tori and Tori was sent home to clean up but she didn't come back Trina left her home and refused to pick her back up.

That left me alone with Beck who was flirting with all the girls and Andre who was pissed at Jade and kept muttering what a gank she was.

How was I suppose to stay under 200 calories a day? Even soda had 100 calories in it in just one bottle.

Looking over the sheet she gave me and looking up various foods on my phone I felt my hope die fast.

_Cat are you listening to me?_

Andre's voice broke through my thoughts shaking my head I looked at him.

_Huh?_

_What is possessing Jade today Tori didn't do a thing to her_

_I don't know ask Jade Andre leave me alone_

I shoved past him leaving him standing there in shock as I kept walking.

My heart was pounding as I ran up the last few halls in an effort to ditch him.

"Putting my pear pod on I started jogging through the bike path watching little kids play basketball jump rope swinging on the wings their faces were all lined with smiles and their little voices all lifted in laughter it was sweet sounding.

I miss childhood when all I had to care about was what outfit I had to wear what game I would play with what friend. Now I worry all the time how many calories are in this what the sugar content is in these?

Do these leggings make me balloon out? How many laxatives do I have to swallow to counter act the pound of butter that was in that danish.

The pounding of my feet against the pavement kept me in a constant rhythm one two three four..four three two one..I counted focusing my mind on the run.

You can do this Cat

This isn't like last time this isn't the first time your a pro and your older and wiser it's all natural to you.

Push Cat push your burning legs keep going the more you run the faster the further the more calories you'll burn the more weight you'll shed.

Music pumped me as I ran over the hills through the parks and neighborhoods, the scenery changed but it all blurred together.

I could do this cause I had a different type of courage than Jade or . Courage wasn't just defined by rushing into a burning building.

I had courage to go after my dreams and to survive any pain I had to just so I could reach those dreams.


	9. Chapter 9 Courage Changes Us

**Courage Changes Us**

**Cat's p o v**

Weeks passed and as the weeks passed I saw a small improvements it was easy to diet. It was an old habit I just had to get back into it and this time hide it better and never lose control.

Jade was my biggest challenge she knew me and she knew my secrets.

She was the one who could see through my lies.

"_Cat aren't you eating breakfast? These eggs are yummy so cheesy so salty_

Tori licked her lips but I saw the look of her eggs passing her lips they made me sick.

Greasy calorie filled eggs.

100 calories for those eggs just one tiny egg she probably had two so that was 200 calories now add the cheese which could depend on what kind you had by the looks of hers she had cheddar which would be another 100 right there.

300 calories for just those eggs that was over my calorie intake for the whole day with just that one meal.

No matter how sexy she looked eating them they weren't worth the fat intake.

_I ate before school_

Lie I hadn't eaten a drop in weeks nothing more than water and maybe some carrot sticks.

I had to remain strong.

Jade was watching me like a hawk she remained quiet eyes on me mouth chewing on her bacon 82-92 calories in those two strips. Her French toast had 155 per slice so times it by three that was 465 than her syrup could average about 52 pr three tablespoons 465 plus 52 that was 51.7 I would die having all that sugar and calories inside of my stomach.

After dance class everyday Mrs. Zurh weighed me I watched while the pounds dropped off.

100

99

98

96

She smiled at me encouraging me to keep up my good hard work 200 Pilates. Sixty minutes on the treadmill an hour of running through the complex while Sam watched the kids.

Than I hit the gym for yoga or boxing class than I hit the machines to build up my arms.

After the kids would go home Sam would either order dinner or attempt to make something. I usually just pushed it around on my plate or chew a few bites and when she wasn't looking I would spit it into the napkin and throw it away.

_Cat aren't you hungry_

_I ate at Tori's_

_I'm tired_

_I don't feel well_

I had a million excuses she would shrug and keep eating as she watched TV laughing at whatever action film was on.

It worked for over a month than she started to fight back.

_Cat your starting to worry me_

_I'm fine Sam no worries_

_Your losing weight like crazy _

_Your always exercising_

_You never seem to eat here anymore_

_Were really being pushed this year Sam I have to trim down and tune up_

_I'm fine_

_I eat at school's or my friends_

_Are you sure?_

_Yes_

_Don't worry Sam I know what I'm doing I did it all before_

95

92

89

Mrs. Zurh rewarded me with compliments in class.

_Everyone see how well Cat has her back leg extended_

_Everyone must follow her lead it is thee correct way beautiful arch_

_Excellent strength on her supporting leg Bravo see how lean and slender Catrina is_

_Thee body of a true dedicated professional dancer_

_We must all learn from her_

After class I was beaming with pride as I changed and showered.

_Uh I don't know how you do it Cat?_

Alexis one of the senior dancer looked at me in exasperation

_No matter how hard I diet I just can't take off the pounds_

_Self control Alexis_

_Uh I wish I had yours damn Cat you look amazing_

I smiled secretly I was so happy by all the accomplishments it made me wonder why I ever stopped in the first place.

84 the pounds stopped coming off I started to panic how was I suppose to be the best if I gained the weight. If I wasn't the thinnest.

Laxatives I hated how bloated I felt but they were my only option.

The cramping was horrible and left me so tired and in so much pain but I wouldn't stop.

300 stomach crunches

400 pull ups

An hour and a half in running with the kids I made it so they thought they were on a scavenger haunt while I did my exercises.

_Cat I'm seriously worried_

Jade had me pinned on my bed kissing my neck my face my hands sliding up her skirt. Between her thighs god she felt amazing

Just keep kissing maybe she'll forget the comment was never answered.

_Cat did you hear me?_

Her sweet lips were like warm buttery heaven her hands which were burying themselves under my skirt making my legs tremor by the simplest of touches.

_Cat sweetie your so thin please tell me your not _

_Doing what you use to _

_O..o..h..o..h..g...o..d J..a..d..e_

I faked the best orgasm I could which seemed to devour her attention still fully clothed she lifted up my skirt moving my thong over to suck my succulent juices.

For the next hour and a half our hands and our mouths were busy thank god she didn't try to undress me but she had to feel the fat oozing out of me.

Laying there with her both of our breathing patterns uneven but pleasure filled it was the most intense intimate feeling.

Jade's eyes fluttered softly as I held her in my arms she was soundly sleeping something I know she hadn't done in awhile I could see it in her swollen eyes her sunken in checks the way she kept popping Advil for her headaches which seemed to be common.

Gently I ran my hands over her head my right arm tucked securely around her waist butterfly kissing her.

_Sleep tight angel sleep tight Mommas here_

_I'll protect you now and always my love_

_I'm right here baby_

With little movement it was hard to move my legs but slowly I pried my left leg free able to bring it up to my chest lower it and repeat,

Hold it to my chest release and repeat Jade slept calmly none the wiser.

After 300 of them I stopped feeling cold pulling the blanket up I curled closer to Jade. Thankfully Sam was still out with an old friend from Seattle.

_Fat_

_Slob_

_Loser_

_You'll never be anything unless you shed those pounds_

_Stop laying around get up get to work _

_Lazy sack of fat no wonder no one loves you_

_Your worthless even your own parents left you out like the garbage you are_

Gasping I shot up Jade was rolled over on her side curled up in a tiny ball her back to me. Tears pooled down even she was turning away.

She had seen it I knew it my nightmare was becoming true she saw my real colors and she hated it.

Slipping out of bed I was shaking from the cold and fear quietly I made my way out to the bathroom I could see the glow from the TV Sam was back and had fallen asleep watching some wrestling chiz on TV.

The bathroom was super close to the living room so I had to be extra quiet as I slipped inside.

Closing the door as light as possible I turned on the water before leaning over the toilet pressing a finger down my throat and vomiting it was super easy with all the years of practice behind me.

Once I was empty I relived myself washed up than opened the bottle of laxatives which I proceeded to take.

5-8-12.

My stomach protested the intake of water so I took a diuretic to wash the remaining water out.

Than I laid down on the floor to do 400 sit-ups 350 push-ups by the time I was done I had to pee Major.

By morning I had emptied myself six more times while Jade slept I went outside and ran for another two hours.

_Cat where were you?_

Jade stood in my impatiently tapping her foot her arms crossed clearing my throat I took a deep breath.

_Running Jade_

_Cat are you starving yourself?_

_No Jade I'm fine_


	10. Chapter 10 Control

**Jade's p o v**

Lying!

It's the one thing I hate the most in this world I can't stand it and Cat knows this all my life I've been lied to. By everyone in it and there's nothing that disgusts me more. When someone who says they love me and can stand there look me in my eyes and lie.

_Cat your not fine_

_Yes I am Jade_

_Cat I know your tricks_

_What tricks Jade? I have no idea what your talking about_

_This Cat_

I pointed directly at her heavy breathing her sweat soaked clothes.

_Your over exercising again_

_I am not_

_Yes you are_

_No Jade I'm not wants me to get stronger she gave me these instructions I have to follow them._

_No Cat you don't she's insane she has no right to tell you that your body is perfect_

_No it's Jade I have to tone up if I want to be a serious contender_

_Bull Shit Cat_

_Did you eat dinner?_

_Yea I ate at Tori's_

_What did you eat?_

_Salad and Hamburger_

_Why are you asking so many questions?_

_Because I'm worried_

_I'm fine_

_Your lying_

_No I'm not _

_What time did you eat?_

_Six okay Jade I ate salad and hamburgers at Tori's at six yesterday_

_Liar_

_I'm not lying!_

_Yes you are_

_No I'm not!_

_Yes you are I know you didn't eat at Tori's cause I was there last night_

_Get off my case Jade! Your not my mother!_

_Someone has to because she ain't here_

_I can take care of myself_

_Than prove it!_

_Prove what?_

_Prove you can take care of yourself_

_How am I suppose to do that?_

_I already manage my own apartment I split rent I have a job I go to school full time_

_What more do I have to do?_

Calm down Jade you can't lose control your dangerously close stop think about what Dr. Stevens said,

_You won't be able to fight her louder than the voice inside her head _

_Is already fighting her Jade you have to remain in control stay calm it's not easy_

_Her mind is delicate it's not hers now _

_Ana has taken control she's complex you can't hear or see _

_What's going on inside Ana._

Deep breath brush back my hair from my eyes they were burning with hot tears.

I haven't been so scared in years but talking to Cat now made me want to crawl inside a hole and die.

She was so thin so frail if she didn't get help soon. No..No..fuck I couldn't go there not again.

Deep breath

_Cat I'm sorry I shouldn't jump om you like this_

_No Jade you have no right to!_

No rights is she kidding me? I'm her best friend I'm her lover her soul she's my heart. I have every right deep breath I can't lose control.

_Cat I'm sorry I _

_I just have a lot of emotions built up_

Cat grabbed her clothes off the floor shoving past me her eyes were cold and dry as they looked past me. Her shove was harder than I could of imagined.

This wasn't Cat

_Cat please_

I reached for her she turned shoving me so hard I fell.

_Leave me alone_

_I said I'm fucking fine_

_Your not my parents_

_Don't try to make me out like I'm some pathetic weak little kid_

_I'm 16 I can take care of myself I'm a dancer an actress_

_I need to be thin_

_I know what I'm doing!_

_Just because you can't function without parents doesn't mean the rest of us can't_

Her words stung hard I was speechless she shock her head marching past me going into the bathroom slamming the door.

I sunk to the floor tears choked me snot coming from my nose my eyes burned.

_Jade_

I stumbled as Sam called me quickly I wiped my face turning to see a sleepy Sam there wearing red, yellow, knee socks and short shorts and a tank top. 

.

_Yea what do you want?_

_Can we talk?_

_What about?_

_Cat and her eating disorder_


	11. Chapter 11 Losing The Game

**Losing The Game**

**Jade's p o v**

_What are you talking about?_

I froze swallowing how did she figure it out so quickly? Cat was an expert at hiding it.

_Don't play dumb Jade_

_Sam I am not playing dumb_

_I know your smarter than this Jade you can see it you know what's going on_

_Your sleep deprived Sam Cat is fine there's no proof anything is wrong and you can't go around throwing words like eating disorders in the air without proof._

_Proof Jade proof was standing right there in front of you all 86 pounds of it_

_If she even weighs that!_

My temper was flaring now who the hell was this chick to be saying anything about Cat? She barely knew her.

_Cat's fine she doesn't have an eating disorder_

_Bull and you know it Jade_

_All I know is your stepping on things that ain't none of your concern_

_She's my girlfriend and I will take care of her_

_Than you better step up your game cuz you losing this one son_

That was all I needed I snapped punching Sam but Sam wasn't like the girls I hit in the past she didn't fall or cry or even flinch. Instead she swung back at me.

Grabbing me knocking me off my balance her hands on my chest we fell to the floor.

_Cat is my business she's my roommate my business partner and my friend_

Kicking Sam didn't work she only dodged the kick punching me in my stomach hard, grunting I felt the wind knocked out of me.

_I'm only talking to you cause I know how much she loves and respects you_

_Your stronger than her Jade you can help her_

_Stop living in denial _

_Cat's innocent she's sweet people will take advantage of people like Cat_

_I know because my best friend Carly is just like her and I would do anything to protect her_

_The same goes for Cat_

_Cat isn't your worry_

I landed a kick in her sheen she was holding me down jumping off me I used that opportunity to swing as I grabbed her shirt but she was fast and in an instant everything became blurry pain shot through my nose and left eye.

_I'm a street fighter Jade you corner me I attack_

Blood was pouring to my hand I felt dizzy from the blinding pain.

_Your not helping Cat by covering for her_

I glared at Sam but everything was blurry.

The blood tasted sweet like metal.

_I know what I'm talking about Jade I spent years in the beauty pageant circuit_

_I saw girls who were already stick thin starving themselves_

_Just to get ' the perfect body"_

Sam did air quotes with her fingers rolling her eyes her words sharp and angry.

_I saw their sick routines_

_Carrot sticks for breakfast water for lunch salad which is only lettuce for dinner_

_Excessive exercises always counting calories and every carb that goes into their mouths_

_Laxatives it made me sick ..it made me sick Jade because I was one of them_

_I heard the voices I felt the shame of being two sizes too big but you know what my best friend_

_Saw what I was doing to myself she pulled me out of it_

_She reminded me how amazing I was inside she was my mother because my mother was too busy getting high to care that I was starving myself to death._

_Just because you have issues with your body Sam doesn't mean Cat does she's a dancer she's an actress_

_She's training to be the best and when your aiming for the best no price is too high_

_Get a clue Jade there is a price too damn high _

_She's called Death_

_Your helping Cat to meet her_

I jumped up swinging at her hard and fast she ducked grabbing me slamming me against the wall her arms pinned my arms above my head we struggled.

_Knock it off NOW!_

Cat screamed her tiny body clad only in a towel I could see every bone in her body. I could count every rib of her precious sweet body. My throat clogged up as I saw her legs trembling her skin just barely on her legs.

_Cat_

Sam tried to talk to her but she shoved her wide eyed locking with mine.

_Why won't you two leave it alone!_

_I'm fine please just stop don't fight with me_

_Don't fight with each other_

_I can't Cat I love you_

_I love you too Jade but if you say you love me than have enough respect of me_

_To trust me enough to know what I am doing_

_I love you both so please stop fighting stop worrying_

_Cat we can't stop worrying your our best friend your hurting yourself_

_No I'm helping myself_

_I was out of shape I let myself go I was over weight I was struggling to keep up in dance_

_Mrs. Z is so proud of me she tells me every day how amazing I am how strong_

_Mrs. Z is a bitch who has no right teaching kids_

_I'm not a kid I'm 16 and I am old enough to drive hold down a job an apartment_

_Attend a prestigious high school and juggle a girlfriend_

_Juggle Cat?_

_That's what our relationship is to you? A juggling act?_

_Something to boast about to your friends how you handled me?_

Cat sighed I could see the exhaustion in her eyes as she shock her head if I kept her fighting she would crack I knew it.

It worked before this little game we played. I would be the winner.

_Look how proud you are you got that Satan bitch under control_

_So what a good day for you is how many of my out bursts you controlled_

_If you can keep me from killing someone do you reward yourself?_

_So how many points do you score with the class?_

_I'm a joke to you_

Her voice was weak it was working my temper was rising hot tears stung my throat and eyes burning my head pounded. I sniffled feeling my face heat up my nails digging into my palms of my closed fist.

_Save it Cat you've said enough for me to hear today_

_Poor Jade she's so screwed up she's too mental to function on her own_

_She can't deal with life so she cuts..she's everyone's joke_

_Screw this Cat I tried to help you _

Her lips trembled that's it Cat break down your this close just give it up collapse in my arms I will save you. Keep it up Jade threaten to leave that's what always gets her.

I started towards the door.

Suddenly her voice called to me.

_So leave Jade that's what your family does best_

My body tensed what was she saying? Why was her voice now angry and spiting venom.

_I am nothing like my family Cat!_

_Yea right Jade your just like them_

Why was she saying these things? My whole body was shaking I was feeling so betrayed and so confused how did she turn the tables on me?

How could she think I was anything like my family?

They were all screwed up in one way or another and I have done everything to distance myself from ever being anything like them.

Cat's eyes were on fire looking through mine.

Sam stood by watching her eyes sad as she stood far away she seemed to know what was happening her eyes looking at me with pity.

_Your just as controlling and suffocatingly judgmental as your father_

_I am not Cat I will never be like that bastard _

_Yes you are Jade_

_Your always judging me how much did I eat? How many miles did I run?_

_What I wear what I watch on TV how I am in bed_

My face flushed deeper Sam arched an eyebrow eying us.

_I'm sick of it all I don't need you judging me_

_Your just like your mother refusing to see anyone else point except your own_

_How do you deal with a problem Jade?_

_You run_

_Runaway just like your parents always did to you_

_I do not Cat!_

_Bull it's all you know how to do_

_People think Jacob has mental issues but no one knows just how screwed up you are_

_Your a freak Jade you cut your own skin_

_Just like our classmates say_

I was beyond angry but anger wasn't my main feeling I was confused and hurt so hurt. Tears built up my head was pounding from the confusion.

The one person who I trusted with my life I never in a million years would think would do this to me just did.

Pain flowed through my veins like water flows in a bay wild and trapped. I didn't feel my own hand rise but it did grabbing the glass globe that laid on her desk throwing it screaming. Sam gasped Cat remained motionless and in control.

Her eyes were cold and dead now as they gazed over me.

_Why Cat why would you?_

_How could.._

I couldn't swallow I couldn't breathe she smiled at me which just made me sicker. Who was she? Why was she saying these things? What did I do to deserve this? Cat was the one person who I trusted and loved the one person I truly considered a friend.

Shock, confusion, repulsion I was shaking so hard Sam reached out to me but I couldn't feel her Cat's voice was cool like a river. She had turned the tables on me and she was in total control.

She knew it and she loved it.

How?

How did I go from being the leader of the pack running home runs to the end runner losing the game?


	12. Chapter 12 Make New Friends

**Make New Friends Destroy The Old**

**Cat's p o v**

_Hurt her Cat_

_Make her suffer_

_Distract her from focusing on you_

_Use everything against her_

_Protect your secret Cat_

_Listen to me_

I didn't want to hurt her the look on Jade's face the betrayal in her eyes shone within the mask of unshed tears. The way her breath was catching with each gasp of trying to figure out why I was doing and why I was saying what I was saying.

I saw her fists clench and unclench I saw Sam looking at her full of worry and fear.

I tried to fight I tried to stay strong.

_Your weak Cat _

_You need me to help you_

_Listen to me I am your only true friend_

_Jade isn't a true friend she's selfish she only wants you to be_

_Fat and miserable so she can control you and she can be the star_

_No Jade isn't like that she's sweet she's caring she loves me_.

_No one loves you Cat_

_Your not worthy of love_

_She only pities you _

_Show her your stronger than she thinks_

_You are in control not her_

Jade's hand lay at her side raw and bloody my eyes were watering I caused that I caused Jade to hurt herself I saw her slip some glass in her pocket I didn't try to stop her.

_I understand you Cat I am your friend_

_Break her down_

_I can help you I promise I am your friend_

_Don't feel guilty purge yourself of this excessive fat_

_We have the power you need me not her_

_You have more self control than her_

_She's jealous you have the will power that her fat butt doesn't_

_Hurt her Cat hurt her the way she hurt you_

_Remember when she told you she would be there for you she would help you_

_She didn't help you she destroyed us she told you I wasn't your friend_

_SHE LIED! I am your friend I am your only true friend_

_I want what's best for you_

_Not her! Not Jade_

_You want to be beautiful you want to be the best dancer the best actress_

_You need to do the work let me guide you_

_Listen to me Cat_

_Listen to me..._

I heard the words leave my mouth I couldn't believe it was me saying them.

_I never want to see you again Jade_

_You can't even respect me enough to trust my own judgments about my body!_

_My body Jade not yours_

_You disgust me your pathetic your weak_

_No one could ever love a gank like you _

_Your a bitch a self fish ugly fat untouchable slut_

_Your wasting your life on this school and this dream_

_Your not smart enough your not stronger enough_

_You don't want this enough_

_You might as well kill yourself Jadelyn_

_No one will ever love you_

Air..Pain..Flashes it all collided in my mind as Jade's fist knocked me flat against the wall.

Her flesh met my own flesh my nose, mouth, eyes. I tasted the blood saw the stars felt her own tears on me. I heard Sam screaming felt Jade's hot angry breath on me her ravage screams as Sam pulled at her trying to get her off.


	13. Chapter 13 Drive

**Drive**

**Jade's p o v**

"_Your not worthy of love_

Cat's voice echoed in my head as I pressed down on the gas feeling the acceleration of the car.

I had no idea how long I had been driving but I knew it was a long time it was dark now and chilly the wind was ripping through the sunroof my skin was tingling.

Shivering I cursed wishing I had worn a sweater but after the attack I left in such a hurry I didn't think about grabbing anything except her neck.

Tears stung my eyes falling freely no one could see me here my body racked uncontrollably sobs heaving and gasping.

_**Drive my heart into the night  
You can drop the keys off in the morning  
Cause I don't wanna leave, oh  
Without your love, without it  
**_

Music played from some radio station I don't know what station it was.

_**You told me that you wanted this  
I told you it was all yours  
If you don't want it  
Then would you stay forever **_

Ana was back but how? When did she come out to play? Where was I that I missed the signs? Why was Cat listening to her again? Wasn't I enough? She had been doing so well, what went wrong?

We had been doing so well together just two months ago we were walking hand in hand along the beach planning our future together planning what colleges she wanted to go to she told me she loved me and she wanted to make me happy.

No one ever cared enough about me to plan anything long term no one cared about me long enough to stick around but she swore to me she was different.

She promised me forever...

_**For if forever's out the door  
I'll ignore when you call **_

If this is what she really wanted after everything I had done for her than fine this is what she would get. Why should I stay why should I fight for us if she was going to give up so easily.

_**You told me you were coming back, right back  
Promised it was real and I believe that **  
**But if I fall for it again I will be a fool  
If our love is at the end  
Then why do I still want you?  
**_

Why was it so hard to let go though? Why did it feel like my heart was being torn in two? Beep, Beep the car was yelling at me now I banged on the dashboard my chest was on fire from all the crying and screaming. Why was everything in my life falling apart?

The arrow hovered just slightly above E.

Deep breath I had to control myself..slowly I started the engine back up and guided the car to the nearest gas station.

Neon signs flashed I seemed to be pretty far out where was I? My heart was racing all I saw was her face as she said those words.

_**But I guess I got no Valentine  
Send me roses, I just let 'em die  
I was crazy thinking you were mine  
It was all just a lie **_

A lie that's all any of her words were she said she loved me but she didn't love me she only loved herself and her precious Ana. Well Ana could have her than I was done I had fought with her for her for so long and she just gave up on us without even bothering to try to fight.

_Where you heading chica?_

The voice of an elderly gentleman startled me he had a thick Spanish accent and was leaning against a pump smoking a cigar he looked ragged and had a wicked flashy grin.

I didn't trust him. I gripped my favorite pair of scissors tighter let him try anything I had a thirst for blood today.

_Pretty little chica like you _

_It is not smart to be flying solo this late in these parts_

Where was I? I didn't want to appear lost I needed to play it cool and look for signs. Keep calm Jade. Cat doesn't know you she thinks your an emotional mess but she's wrong you can take care of yourself and you can be calm and in control when you need to.

_I'm fine I'm not lost_

_I'm going to my god mother's_

_Where does god mommy live?_

_None of your business_

_A chica with an attitude sassy I like that_

_But you need to learn to be tamed I can tame you real good_

_Jose knows how to please a woman real good_

He approached me I tensed there was something about him that made all my hair stand up made my heart race with fear and panic.

_I bet you've pleased a few good man in your time_

_Why don't you come back to my place will have our own private party_

_Go to hell_

I swung the hose at him he screamed as the gasoline splashed him in his face I jumped in the car and raced off as he fell clutching his face.

Maybe Cat was right maybe I was an evil bitch maybe I was unworthy of love. Was that guy really going to harm me? Did I panic and overreact? Did I just burn some poor lonely guy's face off without even thinking about it?

My breathing was fast and heavy more tears poured down what was wrong with me? Was I really that evil?

_**I always knew I never wanted this  
I never thought it could happen  
You acted like you wanted this  
But then you led me on **  
_

I never wanted to fall in love I knew in the end all it did was bring pain and heartache why did I listen to her? She told me it could be magical and that it could bring me so much joy she told me she would protect my heart always.

_**I thought you would be there when I go  
You promised you would be there when I go  
But all the broken promises I won't miss  
Something is all I know are the facts  
That when I look you in the eyes  
All I see are the lies  
Been there, done that **_

She told me she would always be there for me no matter where we went even if we traveled she would always be there waiting for me when I returned.

Where was I going? Why did every man think they could use me for a little so called fun? Who said it was fun for me?

What's the point of caring for someone when all they do is use you and leave you?

Why should I fight anymore? I gave up what I loved to please her. I gave up my vices to support her.

I needed someone once...Now I was done..I let her lead me I let her see me cry and I let her inside...

If no one gave a damn about me anymore. I was done giving a damn about anyone else.

_**Drive my heart into the night  
You can drop the keys off in the morning  
Cause I don't wanna leave, oh  
Without your love, without it **_

**Lyrics to Drive by Miley Cyrus **


	14. Chapter 14 Wrecking Ball

**Wrecking Ball**

**Jade's p o v**

_Chug!_

_Chug!_

_Chug!_

I was floating on air closing my eyes as I let Alcohol flowing through me.

_Feeling better now Jade?_

Slowly I opened my eyes to see Mackenzie sitting by me staring at me how long had he been there? Shaking the sleep out of my eyes as as I pulled myself into a sitting position as a soft smile slide across my lips Mac wrapped his arm around my back.

Slowly I seemed to come around my eyes adjusting to the moonlight I saw Mac in full form Mac's tall and lean he's built from years of dance and musical theater. He has amazing biceps he's tanned and tone from hours in the sun and lifting weights.

_Yea I'm feeling better now Mac thanks_

He grinned sexy pushing back his shoulder length black hair his eyes scanned my body.

What was he thinking? I mean we dated for two years for over six months before he broke up with me saying he was confused about who he was and what his sexuality was.

He came out as Bi three weeks later for a long time I was upset and pissed at him I felt like he used me as some sort of experiment to see if he was gay or not.

Than this year after Beck and I broke up I started questioning my own sexuality I started to think I may be in love with Cat and I was scared.

I reached out to Mac which is never easy for me reaching out I mean. He helped me sort out my feelings.

_Glad to hear it wanna jump in?_

_Water's amazing babe_

Sitting there on the deck of the yacht which was anchored mid ocean I felt content.

_Nah I'm great here thanks_

_Sure babe anytime want another?_

Nodding to him while he got up I felt grateful to have him in my life.

Cat never liked him she said he wasn't good for me he only lead me to do bad things. Than again Cat wasn't always known for saying the smartest things.

When it came right down to it Mac was the one sitting here with me while I was upset where was Cat?

Oh yea with her new bff Ana.

_How does it feel to be replaced loser?_

The voice called to me again. I felt my fist close up as I wrapped my knees to my chest pulling them under my chin.

Like someone took a four by four and smashed it against my whole body I hadn't felt this violated in a long time.

What had I done for her to throw me away like this? Was I not pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough? Did she really think I was a freak?

Cat was suppose to know me better than anyone how could she say those awful things?

_Because there true_

_She's telling you what your too afraid to hear_

_Your a pathetic weak loser a freak_

_No one could love you_

_Shut- up! _I hit my head the voice laughed inside my head pounding making my neck tense.

Mac slide down next to me massaging my neck and shoulders while I chugged down another beer. I lost count on how many I had at this point.

_You have to give her time Jade_

_Cat's sick right now it's not her saying these things_

_Deep down you know it's true_

_Your not a freak your beautiful as you are_

_Don't change Jade_

_Right__ now __she's consumed by her illness_

_Your trying to stop her she sees that as a threat _

_Ana is going to do whatever Ana has to stop you from stopping her_

I downed two more beers he laughed getting up to get more I stopped feeling. I stopped caring I just drank I drank till I couldn't feel anymore.

Getting up stumbling Mac laughed holding me up as the yacht swayed he helped me to the cabin undressing me helping me into his bed the slick sheets felt great against my naked body.

The next two days were spent partying on the yacht drinking, dancing I didn't stop to feel anything.

I was grinding against body after body each one brought me a new drink the flavors mixed together.

I loved the ones that made special creations for me like Mac's best friend Marisa who mixed cranberry juice with vodka and a few other liquors. Marisa is his friend from college who I just met tonight but I was really liking her she had a high pitched laugh which was infectious we danced all night and day our bodies pressed together as we sang our hearts out the drinks flowing freely.

We smoked blunts and passed Molly's we swam naked and jumped off cliffs.

We danced under the moonlight,

I should be thinking about Cat I should be worried she was in trouble it was clear she needed help.

But I wasn't thinking about Cat..I was thinking how sexy Marisa looked half naked with only a tiny thong on no top as we danced under the waterfall the moon light cascading across the water.

I was thinking how amazing it would feel to run my hands down her sexy curvy body how my lips would feel against hers.

She pressed those luscious lips into my neck her arms wrapped around my shoulders her legs wrapped around my hips.

Mac was behind me pressed against me fully making me moan.

Was this cheating?

Should I feel guilty?

We were broken up right?

We did break up didn't we? Was it just a horrible fight? I was so confused that's why I was so grateful that everyone was slipping me pain relievers.

I didn't let up I kept drinking till I went numb and beyond I always handled Alcohol I rarely got sick and I never passed out.

It should have been a huge neon sign yelling stop you've had too much when I spent Sunday night throwing up huddled over the railing. Till I passed out..but it wasn't I woke up and drank more.

I just didn't care

If Cat thought I was a mess before...

**So do you think this is Cheating? Pm me let me know what you think is Jade wrong? Is she justified? **

**Message me on twitter mileycfan4eva**


End file.
